


Listen pal I didn't choose the idiot life, it gave me a rabies shot then told me that I was infected

by putyourpantson



Series: putyourpantson's chat fics [4]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: F/F, Gen, M/M, also maybe some sex jokes i'll decide in the car, can be read as a companion to "who's idea was it to have a group chat" but also alone, listen treebros is okay but kleinsen is the shit, teen for swearing, yet another chatfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:26:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25179142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/putyourpantson/pseuds/putyourpantson
Summary: lorax: well you guys remember how mom has a boyfriend??lorax: I'm meeting his son tonightfuck: well username
Relationships: Alana Beck/Zoe Murphy, Evan Hansen & Zoe Murphy, Evan Hansen/Jared Kleinman, Everyone & Everyone
Series: putyourpantson's chat fics [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1750240
Comments: 7
Kudos: 37





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> lorax: Evan  
> high as a kire: Connor  
> starry night: Zoe  
> jones bbq and foot massage: Jared  
> fuck: Alana

_John Dear_

lorax: guys

lorax: gUysSS

high as a kire: what what

lorax: well you guys remember how mom has a boyfriend??

lorax: I'm meeting his son tonight

fuck: well username

Starry night: uhhh good luck

fuck: your boyfriend has remained suspiciously quiet

jones bbq and foot massage: yee hold on twas changing my name

fuck: for username's sake

fuck: anyways evan just!!! be yourself

lorax: thats probably a bad idea

jones bbq and foot massage: no!! babe u r bootiful

lorax: *beautiful

jones bbq and foot massage: no

jones bbq and foot massage: u have a nice butt so ur bootiful

lorax: also?! like mom's proposing and stuff and I don't want jeremy to feel weird

fuck: it'll all be okay

fuck: probably

high as a kire: yeah!!! sure!!!!!!!

starry night: as much as I love you connor pls stfu

_8:00_ PM

lorax: well there's good news and bad news

lorax: good news! I'm sure yall will love him

lorax: bad news! he thinks I hate him because when I told him about Jared he went 'oh does he know how to read' and I didn't get the vine reference until later and idk how to tell him it was funny help me oh alana's username

jones bbq and foot massage: your soon to be step brother is amazing kldsghgakll

fuck: I agree holy username

high as a kire: fuck

starry night: go put some money in the swear jar child

high as a kire: no

starry night: fair


	2. A Marrige Proposal from Falsettos but its messier and over text

_John Dear 12:02 AM_

jones bbq and foot massage: new day, new username

 _jones bbq and foot massage has changed their user to Hurricane_ Tortilla

Hurricane Tortilla: ah yes

fuck: alrighty then

_fuck has changed their user to shit_

shit: babe ur turn

_starry night has changed their user to Ya LiKE jAzZzzZZ_

lorax: are you alana's usernaming me

lorax: i didn't mean for that to come out so mean i'm sorry

Ya LiKE jAzZzzZZ: I didn't!! Don't worry!! <3!!!

lorax: <3

Hurricane Tortilla: babe

Hurricane Tortilla: bro

Hurricane Tortilla: love of my life

Hurricane Tortilla: dude

loarax: ???

Hurricane Tortilla: can I change your name today

lorax: uh okay

_Hurricane Tortilla has changed lorax's user to You can tell it's an aspen tree by the way it is_

shit: what the username

high as a kire: I legitimately cannot follow this conversation wtf

Ya LiKE jAzZzzZZ: rb if you call your boyfriend 'bro' and 'love of my life' within less than 30 sec.s of eachother

shit: just say seconds

Ya LiKE jAzZzzZZ: no

You can tell it's an aspen tree by the way it is: I think I remember the meme my username came from

Hurricane Tortilla: that's my husband

You can tell it's an aspen tree by the way it is: not yet jared

Hurricane Tortilla: yet

Hurricane Tortilla: yET

Hurricane Tortilla: y e t

high as a kire: lmaooo jared just having a heart attack here

You can tell it's an aspen tree by the way it is: sorry! like I'd like to get married but since we haven't done the whole getting married thing I'm not your husband

Hurricane Tortilla: but would youlike to be

You can tell it's an aspen tree by the way it is: yeah!!

Hurricane Tortilla: okay Evan Hansen, consider this a proposal

shit: aren't we 17

Hurricane Tortilla: an early proposal

You can tell it's an aspen tree by the way it is: jared as much as i love you and would love to, high school and college first, THEN all that

Hurricane Tortilla: am i still allowed to be engaed to you technically

Hurricane Tortilla: like promise ring

You can tell it's an aspen tree by the way it is: go to sleep and in the morning we'll talk

Ya LiKE jAzZzzZZ: holy wife's username

shit: we're not married

Ya LiKE jAzZzzZZ: try telling that to the law

shit: ???

Ya LiKE jAzZzzZZ: anyways

Ya LiKE jAzZzzZZ: did we just see this klsd;kg

Ya LiKE jAzZzzZZ: our little hopeless gays

Ya LiKE jAzZzzZZ: finally they realized ladjhfhgj dear goddd

shit: go to bED

_You can tell it's an aspen tree by the way it is//Hurricane Tortilla_

_9:00 AM_

Hurricane Tortilla: so?

Hurricane Tortilla: wait is that you at the door

Hurricane Tortilla: gimme a sex

Hurricane Tortilla: SEC

Hurricane Tortilla: well I wouldn't mind the sex tbh

You can tell it's an aspen tree by the way it is: jared 

Hurricane Tortilla: altire alrite im cominnn

_John Dear_

_10:00 AM_

**Hurricane Tortilla sent APromiseRingforEvanbitches.png**

shit: whoa conrats alksdjfl;k

Hurricane Tortilla: B)

You can tell it's an aspen tree by the way it is: :)

high as a kire: dawwwwww

You can tell it's an aspen tree by the way it is: hold on my mom wants to talk to me

shit: dun dunDUNNNNN

**Author's Note:**

> putyourpantson is typing...


End file.
